Philippine jokes

All  too rarely,  airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining.
I have heard of these examples. I wonder if these are true!
CONTINENTAL AIRLINES
On a Continental Flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said:
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
JAPAN AIR LINES
“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling.
Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.
If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”
BRITISH AIRWAYS
“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”
QANTAS AIRWAYS
Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing:
“We ask  you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
NORTHWEST AIRLINES
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced;
“Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”
PHILIPPINE AIR LINES
We’re now preparing to land at San Francisco International Airport. Kindly straighten up your seats, turn off all electronic gadgets, pull up your window shades and buckle up for safety.
We hope you enjoyed flying with us as much as we did.
Sa wikang atin po, tayo po ay papalapag na sa paliparang pangkalawakang internasyonal ng San Francisco.
Paalala po lamang sa ating mga kababayan: